Sunday, October 25, 2009

How am I to blame?

I am seriously concerned about the responses I received from this forum. I was looking for help on how to handle this crisis for my husband and instead I got that I am killing my husband or that my children will be taken from me. I have done everything humanly possible to help him, my family has tried to force him to go to the ER, I have called his doctors and begged for help, if I try to help him he gets more angry, I don't understand why I'm the cause of this from the way the responses sound, HE has decided it's not worth it to him to take the meds, he thinks he's invinceable, last night he went and bought himself 2 honeybuns smothered in chocolate and drank 3rootbeers in less than 10 min. w/ his sugar levels over 600, I asked him why with the shape he is in and he says because he's an adult %26 am I a killer because I can't get him to go to the ER or take care of himself. I was looking for support, I needed help, but instead I got crucified.
Don't take this forum too seriously... it's not the best place to get help or support re ANYTHING... I wonder why half the people are even on here when I read half the responses. Chin up, you don't need our approval :)
Your husband sounds like an immature jackass. People that don't want to help themselves won't take help from other people either, in my opinion. Until he wants to meet you halfway, there isn't much you can do.
Its not your fault. You cannot force him to do anything. All you can really do is plead with him to take better care of himself for the sake of you and your children. It is not your fault. that is really cruel for someone to say. I am sorry... don't listen to those people because they are idiots.
You are not to blame, he is an adult and can make his own choices!
You are however responsible for your mental health, and the well being of your children, I would give hubby 2 choices..shape up...or ship out!!
It must be hard sitting by and watching him hurt sounds like he is very depressed because of his disease, and is giving yourself, and get out of the situation, good luck!
don't take this forum so seriously. Its anonymous so people will say whatever stupid thing they want. It's more fun then informative. If you want real answers go to a professional. Or talk to friends that know you and your situation.
It's a sad situation becuase you care about him and you don't want to see him the way he is, but he is an adult. Maybe you should sit down with him and ask him this " Are u ready to die and leave me and your children behind" If your kids are young also ask him if he wants to watch them grow up and go to college, get married, things like that. Maybe this will help!GOOD LUCK!!
This is NOT the place to look for support. It is full of dumb, stupid, immature idiots who come here looking for a way to put someone down, in a childish effort to make themselves feel better. Do a web search for support groups, that is where you can speak to adults, who can relate to your problems. This place is mostly for entertainment. And the idiots are well entertained when they can slam someone, without anyone knowing who they are, or without any circumstances for their bad behavior.
if he is putting it in he is also the one that needs to shape up over his eating, my brother was at 400 pounds when he died said his diet was high on sodas twinkies and 6 eggs at one sitting not a good diet plus he would go fishing little work out was that when it was sitting mostly.
Make sure the life insurance is paid up, his will is up to date and all his paper work is in order also talk about burial plans.Don't get angry its his choice to die.
If you are lucky, he will survive his first hospitalization with high blood sugar. Just wait until he passes out and call an ambulance.If that does not teach him that he is invincible, all I can suggest is that you try to take out life insurance to provide for you and the kids when he manages to kill himself.I get stubborn sometimes and go off my meds, but my sugar does not go that high. Then again, I don't do dumbassed things like your husband did either. When my body demands it, I go back on my meds.Good Luck. I hope your husband comes to his senses before he looses his life, his wife, his kidneys, or his sight.Doc, another diabetic
You are not to blame honey. Some people don't want to be helped. I work in a doctor's office and you would not believe the people who are non-compliant with doctor's advise. My friend is a nurse and her husband has diabetes. She would cook proper meals for him, and he'd go out with the boys and drink and eat what he wanted. All he did was crab at her all the time. He finally went semi-blind and now sits around the house being a royal pain in the butt. (oh wait a minute, I forget - he still hunts - he bought an $850 scope for his rifle). Of course, she stayed with the fool because she felt all the relatives and friends would say "she left him when he needed her most". She ended up working and raising their daughter. She always said she'd leave when Jackie was 16 but she ended up having a mini-stroke herself and is still with him, waiting on him hand and foot. He helps her do nothing. After the stroke, he didn't lift a finger to help her. They had to get someone to come in to help her and him out. He is quite capable.I feel bad for you. He will end up killing himself or become an invalid and you will have to deal with him then. I hate to say it, and I know it sounds unfeeling but if doesn't want to take care of himself, get out and leave him to his doom. Otherwise, when the hammer falls, you are the one who will end up taking care of him, and he will be a terrible patient. You said you have kids. Think of them and let your husband take care of himself. You could try to just not have the wrong foods/drinks for him available in the house. If he wants them he can get them himself. I don't think that will work though.
talk to him about it and tell him how you fell and be aggressive about it. Try changing not only his diet but your families diet like instead of having candy in the house have some fruit and water and diet drinks instead of soda.Exercise a little. Go to a Gym or a community center like the YMCA.
1) It's not your fault. 2) This is not the place where you will get the support you need. Anybody that can type (and some people who can't) can answer questions on Y!A. You shouldn't be surprised if people give you poor answers. I am sorry but I don't know where you can go for help with your situation.You have some hard decisions to make. I would consider packing up and taking the kids for a long visit to your parents or somebody you can trust. It seems as if your husband is going beyond harming himself and is now harming his family.Or, you can continue to try and get him help whether he wants it or not. Will anybody from his family help?If things get bad enough, you may have to wait until his blood sugar goes high enough that he passes out before you call an ambulance. If he is not able to answer then he can't tell you not to call an ambulance.You need professional help. Not help from here. I am sorry that you are in this tough situation and I wish I could help you.
It's not your fault he doesn't take care of himself that's up to him! I know your trying to get him to realize what he's doing to himself and you but he sounds like he's very selfish and doesn't care! All you can do is ask him to do right and if he won't then it's his decision to do it to himself, you can't do it for him!
I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe you could try an intervention, getting all the people who love and care about your husband to talk to him together, hopefully you can all make him realize his doing this to his family too not just himself.It sound like he's depressed, many diabetics go through depression, maybe as a group you can get him to go for help. I hope this helps, you and your family are in my prays. Good luck.

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